MS: "Let's talk about sex, baby!"

MS and your sex life

If multiple sclerosis (MS) is affecting your sex life, you're not alone! A recent survey found that 72% of women and 91% of men with MS experienced sexual problems after being diagnosed with MS.

What kinds of sexual problems can people with MS have?

Men may have trouble getting or keeping an erection. They may also have less sensation in their penis. Women may have vaginal dryness, reduced sensation, or discomfort during sex. Both men and women may have trouble achieving an orgasm. They may also notice a decrease in their sex drive.

How can MS affect a person's sex life?

There are many ways in which MS can affect your sex life, including physical, psychological and emotional factors.

Physical factors:
Have you ever heard the saying "Your brain is your most powerful sex organ"? Believe it or not, it's true. Your brain is the place where sexual arousal begins. The brain then sends messages down the nerves along the spinal cord to your sexual organs. So if MS damages areas of the brain or spinal cord involved in sending sexual messages, it could interfere with your sexual arousal and sensations in your genital area.

MS can also cause other symptoms, such as fatigue, weakness, pain, muscle spasms, and loss of bladder or bowel control. These symptoms can get in the way of a person's sex drive, leading to "Not tonight, dear." As well, cognitive problems caused by MS may make it harder to concentrate and really "be there" during sex.

The medications you take for your MS symptoms can also affect your sex life. Some may cause fatigue, reduce lubrication, or make it harder to have an orgasm. Talk to your doctor or pharmacist about whether any of your medications could having an impact on your sex life.

Psychological and emotional factors:
For many people living with MS, or those whose partners have MS, feelings of stress, anger, guilt, or disappointment may have a negative effect on self-image and self-esteem. These psychological issues may interfere with your personal relationship and your enjoyment of sex.

What can I do about it?

Although MS can present some challenges to your sex life, there are ways to deal with these issues and enjoy a great sex life. See "'Sexual Healing' time" to learn more.

All material copyright MediResource Inc. 1996 – 2024. Terms and conditions of use. The contents herein are for informational purposes only. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Source: www.medbroadcast.com/healthfeature/gethealthfeature/MS-Lets-talk-about-sex-baby

FAQ about MS and sexuality

Sexual Wellness

It's not always easy to talk about how MS may be affecting your sexuality. But it's worth learning more about it so you can enjoy a better sex life. Here are the answers to some frequently asked questions about MS and sexuality.

Can having sex make my MS worse?

Having sex will not make your MS worse. In fact, satisfying sex may improve your overall well-being. Depending on the physical effects of MS, certain sexual activities may be safer and more enjoyable than others. Talk to your doctor or sex therapist about which sexual activities would be best for you.

Will MS make you infertile?

Fertility relates to a person's ability to have children. Having MS does not reduce a woman's fertility. Some men with MS may have "dry orgasms" where they climax without ejaculating. This can affect fertility but does not make the man infertile, as the semen can often be collected and used for artificial insemination. Many people with MS find that they have sex less, often due to the physical and emotional effects of MS. This has an indirect effect on fertility, because you are less likely to conceive if you have sex less often.

What kind of birth control is best for people with MS?

Both men and women with MS will still need to use birth control if they want to avoid conceiving. There's no one "best" birth control option for people with MS. Talk to your doctor to find a birth control method that's suited to you and your partner. Birth control pills, diaphragms, intrauterine devices (IUDs), condoms, or spermicidal foams and jellies can be used depending on the couple's choice, and with advice from their doctor. Women taking birth control pills should check with their pharmacist to see if any of their medications could interfere with the effectiveness of the birth control pills.

Remember that if you have MS, you are still at risk of getting a sexually transmitted disease, such as HIV/AIDS, unless you use proper protection, such as latex condoms.

Can taking birth control pills protect a woman from MS?

A number of studies are underway to investigate the use of estrogens to treat or prevent MS, but so far no definite conclusions can be drawn. There is no evidence to suggest that taking birth control pills can help protect women from MS.

Does having MS mean my sex life is over?

Definitely not! Although it's true that MS can cause some challenges for your sex life, such as a lower sex drive, reduced sensation in the genital area, or difficulty having an orgasm, there are ways to deal with this. MS doesn't need to spell the end of your sex life. See "'Sexual Healing' time" to learn more about what you and your partner can do to heat things up again.

"Sexual Healing" time

Sexual Wellness

Having MS can bring some changes to your sex life. There are two ways to deal with this - to back away from sex, or to face the sexual challenges of MS and find a "new normal" that will give you and your partner the satisfaction you need.

Just because you have MS, it doesn't mean that your sexual desires will go away or become inappropriate. In fact, keeping up a good sex life can help your overall well-being. Here are some ideas for coping with the sex-related challenges posed by MS.

Manage the physical problems. If physical symptoms such as trouble getting an erection, vaginal dryness, and bowel or bladder problems are getting in the way of your sex life, talk to your doctor. There are ways to manage these physical symptoms so they are less intrusive to your sex life. For example:

medications or vacuum pumps for men with trouble getting an erection
water-based lubricants for women suffering from vaginal dryness
Kegel exercises for women having trouble achieving an orgasm
using treatments for bladder problems (such as medications or self-catheterization) before sexual activity

Communicate with your partner. It's natural to feel a bit embarrassed talking about MS and sex with your partner. But getting over your embarrassment will help you enjoy a better sex life. It can also bring you closer together.

Set aside a time to talk to your partner about how MS is affecting your sex life. If you're having trouble saying the words, you may find it easier to write down your feelings in a letter for your partner as a way to start the conversation. You may be surprised at what you learn. The partner without MS may have been blaming themselves for the changes in your sex life, and not realize how much of a role MS has played. Talking openly about the changes in your sex life can help you get started on finding creative solutions together.

If you're having trouble talking about these issues with your partner, you may want to consider getting help from a qualified counsellor.

Be creative. Stay open and adaptable to new ideas. This may involve having to tape catheters out of the way, using vibrators to aid stimulation, or using medications or vacuum tubes to help achieve erection. Don't shy away from new ideas... you may find they work and like it!

You and your partner may need to do some thinking about what sex and intimacy means to you, and what you'll need to have a satisfying sex life. Even simple changes to your routine can go a long way. For example, if fatigue is an issue, choose a time for sex when you are at your highest energy level. For many people, this is in the morning or early afternoon. You can also try to raise your energy level using moderate exercise and healthy eating. As well, you can experiment with sexual activities that don't require as much mobility or exertion.

To help increase your level of desire, think about what makes you feel sexy. Do the things that "turn you on," and tell your partner about them. Experiment with and talk to your partner to find what works for you as a couple. Rediscover the fun of flirting - you may need more than before to get to the same level of desire. If lack of desire is still a problem, speak to your doctor or health care provider.

When you experiment, some things will work better than others. Keep the lines of communication open, and try to maintain a sense of humour as you find new ways to enjoy intimacy.

It's normal to feel a sense of anger or loss because of the sexual effects of MS. However, there are many different ways to get sexual pleasure other than the ones you may be used to. By communicating openly and honestly with your partner and health professional, you can find a new ways to have a great sex life!

Lover or caregiver?

Sexual Wellness

If your partner has MS, you may be acting as their caregiver. Being both a lover and a caregiver can be a challenge, and may cause some changes in your sex life and relationship with your partner:

You may stop thinking about your partner in a sexual way.
You may feel guilty about wanting to have sex with your partner because of their MS, especially if they cannot function on their own and depend on you for their care.
You may feel grief, anxiety, or depression as your partner becomes ill, and this may dampen your interest in sex.
The stress and demands of caregiving may make you feel too tired and drained for sex.
You and your partner will need to adapt to your partner's changing abilities, body image, and interest in sex. This can be a challenge in our society, which still doesn't provide enough "sexy" role models with disabilities.

MS presents some real challenges to your sex life and relationship, but there are many things you and your partner can do to overcome them.

Take some time to care for yourself. Being a caregiver is tiring and stressful, and you deserve a break now and then. Ask family and friends for help, or talk to your MS society about respite care. Giving yourself some "recovery time" can help improve your energy and prevent you from feeling resentful of your partner.

Talk to your partner. If you find that MS is putting a strain on your relationship or sex life, have an honest conversation with your partner about how you are feeling and how you can work together to develop a "new normal" sexual relationship that will be satisfying to you both.

Develop specific signals or rituals that separate sex from caregiving. This will help you balance your two roles as lover and caregiver.

Join a support group for partner/caregivers of people with MS. You can meet new people, share your experiences, and learn from the experiences of others.